Franklin’s Friends

If you choose to never read anything again on my blog, or you have never read anything on here in the past, then this is what I ask of you…Please just read THIS post.

What you see below is 100% the truth. I found this while looking through Facebook posts made by fellow mothers and fathers, who have experienced stillbirth.

It hit me so hard because it is REAL. I read it to Jay, who responded with ---Wow...That is EVERYTHING we have experienced. And those are all of the thoughts we have all the time.

This doesn't over-exaggerate one bit. It is our life. It is raw. And I know there are many of you who ask what you can do to help us. This is how you can help. Read this...

I read this post today which another bereaved Mother had shared. We can relate to all of it so much especially with how stillbirth is not discussed. I am learning that not all people are comfortable with this subject. Please understand that bringing up our baby doesn’t make us anymore upset than we already are. It is okay to ask us how we are going. It’s okay to ask questions about Theodore. It helps so much when people do, because then it doesn’t feel like he is being forgotten. Help us break the silence surrounding child and baby loss. Talk to us, ask questions and help us remember Theodore.

Stillbirth and Infant Loss
Is taboo
Is not to be discussed
Is to be dealt with privately
Is not polite conversation
But it's a harsh reality for too many women. And too many women feel unable to discuss it. So too many women don't realize they aren't alone.

Stillbirth
Is being told there is no heartbeat
Is looking at an ultrasound screen and seeing stillness where there used to be motion
Is being induced and feeling intense contractions and labor pains while your heart also breaks
Is laying in the maternity ward and hearing the chime that means a baby has been born, and realizing there will be no chime for you
Is hearing the screams of a newborn in the next room and realizing your room will be silent
Is your spouse making arrangements with a funeral director in the middle of your labor
Is taking as many photos as you can, yet still wondering later on why you didn't take more
Is finally having to alert the nurse that you're ready to have them take your baby away

Stillbirth
Is walking out of your hospital room and avoiding eye contact with everyone
Is leaving the hospital with a box of things instead of a baby in a carrier
Is the drive home in silence
Is the silence at home

Stillbirth
Is the postpartum hormones on top of your grief
Is the post-baby body without the baby
Is crying in the shower because your milk came in
Is binding your breasts so your milk production stops
Is wondering if you hate your new set of stretch marks or cherish them as a reminder
Is having a habit formed of resting your hands on your belly and breaking down when you catch yourself doing it now
Is having brain chemicals triggered after birth that make you listen for a cry that isn't there and make your arms ache with the need to hold

Stillbirth
Is picking up your baby's ashes from the funeral home
Is selecting an urn
Is feeling like there is no place good enough to set their ashes down on
Is wanting to tuck your sweet baby in, but instead you dust their urn off
Is slowly boxing up the baby things you already have
Is not having the heart to put the box away

Stillbirth
Is a stab in the heart when you see a baby at the store
Is realizing how many babies and pregnant women are on TV and in movies
Is running into someone who hasn't heard and having to tell them
Is being asked when you'll try again
Is wondering what to tell strangers who ask how many kids you have
Is finally deleting your pregnancy tracker app

Stillbirth
Is wondering why you didn't talk to your belly more
Is wondering what your child's laugh would have sounded like
Is not even knowing the color of their eyes
Is aching for just one more moment with them

Stillbirth
Is wondering how you can possibly live the rest of your life with this ache
Is climbing to the height of happiness and then plummeting to the deepest despair
Is trying to live a life your baby would be proud of, but growing more bitter everyday
Is replaying every moment over and over again
Is no longer feeling connected to this Earth because your heart now exists elsewhere
Is people not understanding
Is being grateful others don't understand this pain
Stillbirth and Infant Loss
Is the need to hear that you're not alone, as much as you wish no one else would ever have to go through this
Is too common
If you relate to these words, I'm deeply sorry
If you don't and you read it anyway, I'm deeply grateful.

Thank you to Theodore's mama for giving me permission to share this.